Most of us would never allow someone to berate us, yet many women do this to themselves when they ruminate. In other words, mulling over mistakes, regrets and negative experiences in one-sided conversations with themselves in which they turn regret inward and blame themselves. This conversation is called self-talk, and it’s predominantly negative. It’s a counterproductive voice that keeps women stuck because it makes them feel worse and gets in their way of solving problems.
Women may tell themselves they are figuring things out, but at a certain point ruminating over what went wrong undermines and hinders a woman’s ability to rise. What you say to yourself is far more impactful than what the whole world might say to you. Self-talk affects the way you act, the choices you make, and the feelings you hold.
With a distracting, jeering voice in their heads, women will suffer low self-esteem and struggle more to succeed.
The Source Of Negativity
One school of thought is that women are predisposed to ruminate because of the high degree of value they place on relationships. The relationship women have with others is a reflection of the relationship they have with themselves, and it falls to each woman to be her own cheering squad and support against the constant challenge to be validated, accepted, and respected in the workplace or elsewhere. Unfortunately, instead, women often internalize those obstacles, waste valuable energy in feeling bad, and diminish their ability to be effective to reap the benefits of their otherwise excellent leadership skills.
In order to overcome these obstacles, women must believe deeply and solidly in their worth, but too many absorb negativity that manifests as negative self-talk. So, instead of standing firmly in their resolve, women struggle with doubt and ruminate over their value. Instead of feeling confident, women feel uncertain and therefore miss opportunities to act, assert themselves, or make decisions.
A Way Out Of Negativity
Thankfully, women have also become aware of this process and developed ways to manage the internal, negative monologue. While it’s not possible to silence the voice completely since it’s human nature to have a sense of self and conscious awareness of self, it is very possible to choose and change the words from negative to positive.
When you talk to yourself, you can become aware of the language and consciously decide to speak differently. Rather than be a critic, you can become the cheering section and biggest support for yourself.
It starts with awareness for that inner voice and to catch the negative self-talk. Shad Helmstetter, What to Say When You Talk to Your Self, identifies and makes accessible the steps for lasting change. It comes down to managing the voice so that you can rise above the negativity.
Helmstetter’s book reveals a solution, and it’s a wonderful relief to the problem plaguing women and holding back success. There is a way to change the voice so that you empower rather than put down yourself. There is hope, and that’s the start.
Feel hopeful, seek change, learn new methods, and become an unstoppable force. You can challenge the odds, hurdle obstacles, and scale circumstances when you say to yourself that you can. Let’s start today. Register to join us in the virtual Leader Learning Circle as we take a deeper dive into how to stop ruminating and banish the burden of negative self-talk.